Slow Motion Parenting

5/6/2020

I wrote this for my blog about 4 years ago!  I think it may resonate now as we have been forced into a time of restricted movement, loss, and change.  Yet the idea of surrendering to a slow-motion kind of mindset might be just what we need.  What if it doesn't really matter how much "learning" gets done now?  What if some of us really do have the time to be with our children, partners, and families?  Even when working from home, is there a way to slow down your day and make intentional time for each other?  Perhaps the time that would have been spent transporting to school or picking up from practice?  I am just wondering...

From 2016:
I am considering buying a domain name for Slow Motion Parenting.  The concept of Slow Parenting is already out in a book with that title and I can certainly get behind the idea of slowing down as a parent and as a human.  We all need to slow down.  We miss so much when we keep moving so fast and furiously toward the next task, meal, transition, day...whatever.  And yet it is so hard to insert slowness as a lifestyle into a cultural norm that finds it too hard to accept.

Enter Slow Motion Parenting.   When we think about something happening in slow motion, it is much different.  We see much more in a slow-motion instant replay.  Every movement is clear, even, and more graceful. Slow-motion can happen at any time, anywhere.  We can insert it at dinner time, in the car driving home from school, even while brushing teeth.   It can interrupt an argument, just by moving in slow motion, slowing down a reaction, making a tense situation more humorous by s-l-o-w-i-n-g d-o-w-n.

Imagine your child is having a tantrum.  How can you slow down your mind, your body, and your actions?

There she is on the floor flailing and crying...instead of thinking:  how can I stop this?  Or, how much longer will this go on?  You simply start moving and thinking in slow motion:   You are on the field, the ball is being passed to you,  as you reach out your hands go up, slowly you reach, higher, you catch the ball and your body turns slowly, slowly as one leg moves forward...you are headed toward the goal.  You run one leg far out ahead of the other, each foot slowly moving up and out and then touching the ground.  You reach the goal line! You win the game!

Oops, I mean:  she's on the floor.  You move your hand slowly out toward her, she flails even more wildly. You slowly pull your arm back and place it gently by your side.  You step back, one foot at a time, very slowly.  You sit down, pause, and slow down your thoughts.  You talk in a slow-motion voice..."I...am...here.  Let...me...know...if...you...want..a..hug"  She continues to flail but less violently.  You breathe.  1-2-3-4 Hold 1-2-3-4 exhale 1-2-3-4-hold 1-2-3-4. Again.  She notices you taking breaths.  She looks at you, no longer crying.  You say something soothing like "breathing helps me feel better".  She creeps toward you. You slowly put out your hands as she crawls into your arms.  You rock together, gently.  Slow Motion Parenting.

You see in all of my studies about parenting, especially in the past 10 years, support the idea of slowing down as a response to the overwhelm of big emotions,  behaviors, and reactions.  Unless a child is about to get hurt or hurt someone else..how can slowing down make things any worse?  In fact, the opposite is true. When we slow down our thoughts, we actually think better, we have access to the thinking part of our brain, not the reacting part.  When we rev up our emotions, we lose the connection to our logical prefrontal cortex and become reactive in a fight or flight way.

I have always tended toward the enjoyment of slowing down in my life...things seem to happen too fast for me in general and I learn through reflection and love to ponder my world.  Yet I know that we live in a world with one finger on the fast forward button.  While I have learned to cope with that, I believe that even if one's tendency is not toward slowing down, there is much to be gained when we do.